


Nipplekind

by huskychao



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-28
Updated: 2014-06-28
Packaged: 2018-02-06 14:04:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1860765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huskychao/pseuds/huskychao
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the final battle. Lord English and Dave Strider stand alone on the battlefield. All seems lost for the kid... until he removes his shirt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nipplekind

**Author's Note:**

> I found this way back in my blog and I was like, "This is going on AO3 tomorrow."

Dave Strider stood alone on the battlefield. His friends laid bloody and moaning around him. Even Jack and PM were crumpled to the ground, unable to fight any longer. He looked up at the demon that had caused all of this. Lord English. The indestructible monster. And Dave had to face him alone.

He tried to take a step forward, but John grabbed his ankle. “Don’t do it, Dave,” he pleaded.

"I have no choice," Dave murmured, trying not to meet his best bro’s eyes.

Terezi piped up from behind, “But how will you beat him?”

Dave didn’t answer her. He looked straight into Lord English’s flashing eyes and called, “Are you ready for the whooping of a lifetime?”

“THERE’S NO WAY YOU CAN BEAT ME!” Lord English growled back.

“We’ll see about that,” Dave said with a smirk. He dropped his sword, earning a gasp from everybody. The air buzzed with ultimate tension as the young god removed his shirt. “Say hello to my little friends!” he shouted as he arched his back, letting his nipples shoot out to their full length of three feet.

Lord English took one surprised step backwards. “WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?”

“It’s my secret weapon,” Dave explained, man tits writhing and lashing at the air. “Nipplekind!”

His friends watched in awe as he jumped upon Lord English and began beating him with the elongated appendages. Dave’s shoulders gyrated rapidly, whipping the time lord in the face over and over with his nipples.

Once an unstoppable force, Lord English had been reduced to a crying mess. He collapsed at last, sobbing, “PLEASE HAVE MERCY! I SURRENDER! JUST STOP IT ALREADY!”

Dave finally jumped off of him and let his nipples retract back to their regular length. “Will you leave the universe alone now?”

“MAYBE,” Lord English sassed. Dave raised one of his nipples threateningly. “FINE, I’LL LEAVE THE UNIVERSE ALONE! TAKE YOUR FRIENDS AND LEAVE!!”

Thus, the world was saved, all thanks to Dave’s three-foot-long teats.

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by http://homestucksexcanons.tumblr.com/post/28180563924


End file.
